On the Path

The path-dependent nature of my weaving is one of the most interesting things to me about how I approach this practice. Path-dependent weaving is one where you just approach the weaving as an ever-unfolding process that entails a set of decisions at each critical juncture that lead you onto a pathway toward the next decision you make. My weaving is path dependent, because glob darnit, I never will weave back. If I do something wrong or have an issue that comes up because of a decision I made earlier in the weaving, I just live with the consequences and incorporate that into the weaving. This makes weaving more real to me and less concerned with perfection.

As an elder millennial, I was raised in the fulcrum of dramatic cultural change when digital perfectionism was being deployed into our culture. As a kid, nothing was or meant to be perfect. We did our best and got to screw up a bunch. Sure, the TV droned on and on about “how white our shirts could be” or how fit we could make ourselves.1 The promises of perfection through some consumer product were always there, but felt so far away as we sat in our rooms making lego cities listening to the radio. With getting hooked up to “the zoo,”2 this perfectionism that accompanies hypercapitalism migrated to a more central concern of our daily life. With social media, we could now signal to everyone in our community how perfect our lives were. I suppose this isn’t that surprising since social media has been used by most of us to commodify our little hobbies and take on many of the same advertising strategies that droned on in the backgrounds of our youth.

The big difference is that I still remember what it was like before. I remember just showing up everyday to moving my body to try and be a little bit better. I wasn’t meant to be perfect, because I was just working on a set of skills. I mean, my early life was completely shaped by not making any big mistakes so as to not end up like my mom’s brothers, who I heard about from my mom constantly as a cautionary tale. Yet, I could make innumerable small mistakes, being too emotional and making social faux pas, without getting piled on by the online chorus. Heck, the extent of the work I had to do to “manage” my online presence was select the right moody lyric for my AOL instant messenger away message. The rest of the time I was left to just explore. So, upon reflecting, this moment is weird for me to come to this realization that it is now countercultural to not present the perfect picture, video, or even engage with the internet rat race. Like, how did we even get here? I will leave that question for the theorists. This week I’m interested in smaller horizons, dustier truths regarding how I feel about perfection. We aren’t theorizing; We are feeling.

Honestly, As a dad and husband with a day job, I don’t have much interest in perfection. Sure, I think there is some deeper-rooted set of beliefs from my pre-connection-to-the-zoo childhood that makes it almost impossible for me to fully buy into the perfection that is sold to us. I think a lot of us elder millennials have that baked deep into us. We know that all that is shimmers is not gold. Becoming a parent in an international pandemic, only reinforced this. Parent “Influencers” preyed on my fear as a new parent and tried to sell me the idyllic family life that does not exist for anyone. I fell for it a few times before seeing through the typical trap. Nah, there is no perfection. You just keep trudging everyday, doing your best to make the calls that will keep your sweet wee ones sheltered, fed, rested, and happy. There is no perfection, only effort. There is no perfection, only playing the hand your dealt. There is no perfection, only moving forward to the next decision.

It’s here in this space that it becomes clear why I embrace imperfection in my work. I embrace the imperfection in my weaving, because its all I know. I was raised poor by a single mom with Dad with would play around with child support payments to flock with my mom. I don’t know anything else but just making the decision that has to be made today in order to make it to tomorrow. Sure, I have more stability now, but I was simmered in the struggle. That never leaves you. Sure, I can buy some records or a steel bike, but I am still just dealing with each crisis as it comes through. That’s why I just try to be present with each step in the flow of the weaving coming to life. I want to be in that cauldron of possibility that is present in every moment of decision at the loom from when we first warp to when we cut the weaving off and tuck in our ends.

This approach reverberates wildly from my life and my art to the moment we are living through. Yes, dear reader, here is where I, the crafter, can’t help but put on my sociologist hat, because I was allowed to read books too long in school. The me that is still a sociologist can’t help drawing a connection between this process and where we are right now as a society. Impeccable French theorist Pierre Bourdieu argued in his work that the inequality and structure of society that we experience at any one time is the result of countless fights throughout history that we have forgotten have even happened. When viewed as a whole, this current moment that we are living in with dramatic income and wealth inequality, climate catastrophes, and the erasing of basic civil liberties is the result of all the outcomes of those fights dating back over 50 to 100 years. This moment we are living through is nothing but the accumulated advantage gained by the 1% and religious extremists over normal everyday working people trying to survive. The decision making we use to weave our tapestries is the same we can use to weave a more equitable, liberatory social tapestry moving forward.

We, like the Buddhist Peace Fellowship has advanced in the past, look for the opportunities in this moment with the deck we have been dealt to Build, Block, and Be in alignment with our skillsets:

“Blocking, building, being — there is no single correct role to play — contrary to the judgmental mindset we’ve inherited from capitalism. It takes many of us — all of us! — in all of our multi-dimensionality, to achieve collective liberation. Just as ecosystems thrive on diversity of life forms, so do our social movements require multiple roles.” (Link)

We can’t unweave our social tapestry. The dye is cast. All we can do is continue to make the decisions that present themselves to us each day to help weave the social tapestry that we want to see. This might look as simple as contributing labor or money to your local mutual aid organizations, boycotting problematic businesses, or not crossing picket lines. It could also be sending letters or emails or calling your local, state, or federal reps regarding policies that are important to you. Sometimes its as simple as educating a friend or family matter about an issue that they are uninformed on. It could be as simple as passing a few dollars to someone panhandling on the street. It could be raising your children in alignment with your egalitarian, liberatory value systems. Building communities that share resources, block attempts to harm our kinsfolk, and leaving space to weave yourself into the magic of being alive will look different for every person. Yet, each of us working toward these goals will make light work of weaving a different social tapestry. A utopia of an imagined future only comes through the oftentimes small daily work of communities all moving in the same direction. It is we who will save us, not some messianic politician.

This past week I delivered two weavings to my kinsfolk who grow my food and feed me spiritually. I made these fiber spells with nothing but appreciation in my heart. I did not need any payment for them. The purpose that these folx gave me with allowing me to make them a fiber spell was payment enough. It was enough to me that these folx believed in this version of me that often isn’t valued in the marketplace. Nor do I really want to try and market my value to anyone anymore. No, I am much more concerned with tending to my family and kinsfolk, doing my little job that pays me for an honest days work that doesn’t harm anyone, and making little fiber spells that weave me into community with those around me. To me, that is the way that I try to live a life moving toward a real utopia everyday. I make these decisions to spend my time and resources toward tending to my community by trying to contribute to solving real problems that people in my community face. I also leave a lot of room for spreading joy and care without there needing to be a problem addressed. hehe I love spreading joy and giggles.

This is a video of me popping around my city, checking in with my friends, and delivering the weavings. It sorta just captures how much fun tending to your community can be. Who needs the zoo when you got this? In the video, which cut out the audio, I say: “Come along with me while I deliver some special weavings to my friends.”

I hope you enjoyed today’s offering. I am not here to tell you what to do. I just want you to know that you always have options on how to act in the face of what is confronting you. That is the magic of being a human on this planet. We are endowed with this huge brain to help us imagine new futures and this amazing body that helps us build towards that vision. You don’t need to do it all at once. It’s also ok to feel really overwhelmed, sad, and angry. That is all valid. Just start small and make yourself into this tiny snowball that gains moment and power as it rolls downhill. There is no action too small. Good luck out there! You Matter! Your Art Matters!

Best,

James

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