Shrouded

It’s been a big week of wrapping stuff up. I finished the sales tax stuff for the first time for my business. Lily and I finished our federal and state taxes. We had a final doctor’s appointment for Juniper for a lingering, non-threatening healthcare issue that we have gone to multiple specialists for. I finished one of two fiber spell (commissioned weavings, for Destiny Humrich who is trading some tattoo work with me ). Destiny also finished the shading on Herb, the Warrior Pika, in full chain mail, armor, and spear. I also finished a number of projects at the day job that pays the bills so I have food, healthcare, and shelter.

Does it feel satisfying for me to list our all that was accomplished last week? The typical script in our culture would be to say, “OH YEAH, I feel good.” Well, I don’t. It’s just tiring and necessary. WHOMP WHOMP. It’s only made worse by the fact that we still have to keep doing all this stuff while our tax dollars are funding an active genocide in Gaza. Like for the love of glob, how is this still going on some 6 months later? Just as I am writing this, I am reading that congress is considering a bill to provide 95 Billion with B dollars in aid for Israel, Ukraine, and Taiwan. And yet, we don’t have a guarantee that anyone in this country can access food, shelter, or health care. It’s a farce. In further news of the absurd, 163 democrats, which includes my rep, joined 216 republicans in the House of Representatives to pass a resolution that “the slogan, “from the river to the sea, Palestine will be free” is antisemitic and its use must be condemned.” This seems like a great use of our legislative time, considering that a recent American Road and Transportation Builders report found that 1 in 3 bridges “needs repair or replacement.” So, no, I don’t really care what I have accomplished in keep my head above water. It’s all just a sham. Our political officials don’t accomplish anything, so why should I?

It’s a special type of dystopia to be actively creating on the internet right now with the situation in Gaza going on. I recently tested explicitly talking about genocide or gaza in a caption and posted to instagram by slightly altering the spelling. I received no likes on the post for 5-10 minutes, which is incredibly rare. When I edited the caption to take out those words, I started to receive likes again. So here I am forced by Meta, IG’s owner, to decide between building my business and staying mum or just firebombing myself for the sake of liberation. Now that I write this out it just makes me even more apt to firebomb myself on Instagram, because who cares in the end if more Palestinian children dead. We can go back to the whole selling ourselves and our experience as a commodity when the child murder is done.

Glob, it feels good to be able to say that. Do you feel pent up about how awe-inspiringly dumb our broken political system is? Well, it’s only dumb for those of us who don’t want our tax dollars pad the shoulder pads in the tailored suits of war contractors and financial institutions with a predilection to wanting to get bailed out when they tank the entire economy. I swear that’s where they keep their cash. I know it sounds weird, but where else would they be keeping their cash? It’s actually incredibly efficient and elegant at redistributing money from normal folx to people in those industries and folx with inherited wealth. Did you know that from 2011 to 2024 the US Government increased the threshold for when an individual has to pay an estate tax to the IRS upon their death from $5.8 million to $13.6 million in total assets? To put this in perspective, someone would have to be well into the top 1% percent of the wealth distribution in order to even have to be required to pay an estate tax, because the average net worth of someone in the top 1% of wealth is around $10.5 million (source). Yes, it certainly does appear that the government is operating quite efficiently at protecting the assets of our societies richest members.

Lily and I have to leave our home tonight to go to a “gala” where we are supposed to “dress to impress.” I had to buy new clothes, because I do not know the version of me that can fit into size 33 pants anymore. That ship sailed long ago after all the bullshit we have been through in the last 4 years. So, I had to buy a collard shirt and pants to “impress” the fellow exhausted parents whose children also attend juniper’s school. Am I feeling great about not fitting into my old clothes? No, not really. I also refuse to get rid of them to make matters worse. I seem to be a glutton for punishment, thinking that one day I will fit into the pants again. However, it may just more be denial that all that money I spent to play the game of my professional career went out the door when I really realized how alone we all are in the neoliberal hellscape we have constructed. I really didn’t want to spend more money on “dress” clothes. But, here we are. I have to and I did it. I, at least, sized up to make sure that I won’t size out of the clothes for a while.

I think the bigger issue is that when I left the private sector I wanted that part of me who had to wear a money suit to die. I just wanted to hide out it a cube and do the small tasks that didn’t put me on display. The clothes were a symbol for my greater disenchantment with a system where the only questions that get answered were those that someone was willing to pay to get answer to or were legally-required to pay someone to answer for then. For all my bluster of speaking my mind here, I really do not enjoy the role of the “expert.” Having had to play an “expert” as a consultant, I was able to see how much of a farce that is too. Consequently, every time I have to get dressed up for an “event,” I feel like its a call back to the days of the slim fit suits, client lunches, and presentations.

In the last week, I did the best I could to articulate how I was going to “dress to impress” within the confines of who I am now. Clothing and hair are two of the most readily apparent ways that we can rebirth ourselves into a new form. Wearing all black and putting on a metal T-shirt over the last 4 years was one of the most fulfilling ways to set myself apart from a society that I did not trust and detested in many ways. For tonight’s event, I did not go overboard in an attempt to fit in. I bought larger sizes in clothing I am already comfortable with and found a sports coat in my closet that still fits. In many ways, I will look like every other exhausted dad, who just wants to rest on their couch and watch cartoons with their kid. For me, this whole exercise was to find a way where I could dress to blend in, so as to not waste any more time on the issue. This is the way of disappearing while in plain sight, so I can complete my adult obligation while also not drawing too much attention to myself.

This veiling has become an important part of my magic practice in the last few years. Rather than openly fight battles with folx who wish me harm or want to mess with me, I have chosen to shroud myself in the webs of my spider guides, so as to not draw their attention. In a society where our congress just re-authorized a warrantless wiretapping program that was first started after 9/11 by George Bush, it seems more and more apt to find ways to use our magic to shroud ourselves from view of people who do not share our values or goals. I am still working out the right balance of what it means to be shrouded while still accessible to those that wish to be in community with me. I don’t have an answer for that now. It just feels necessary now to keep the boundaries up.

Ok, all that angst ridden prose aside, I really am really proud of how destiny’s piece came out. I was able to capture my image into a woven form, bring in designs that merged with my spellwork and herbal magic, and complete a fiber spell perfectly suited to Destiny’s wishes. I would say that makes me some ultra-tier level mage, right? haha. JK. I am just the humble hermit druid out here plying my craft far away from the AI art generators. I can also ply my craft even if the entire internet collapses. In fact, my craft might be even more appreciated if the internet did not exist. lmao.

All my best to you and yours, dear reader. It stopped snowing, so I am going to go ride my bike around.

Best,

James